you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
