I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
