That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
