After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
