Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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