He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
