just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
