There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize