You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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