He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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