A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
