I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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