Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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