the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize