She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
