as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
