I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
