Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
