I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
