im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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