The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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