And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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