I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
