My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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