drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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