Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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