Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
