Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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