3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
