OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she pinky promised me she was 18
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im part way to drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
