Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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