he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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