So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
