i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
