chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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