As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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