It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
