so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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