She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
