So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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