:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
