Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
