just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
