it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
