I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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