All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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