He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
