I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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