Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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