I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
