I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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