I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
