vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
