My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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