Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize