I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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