Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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