i will never coherently bang her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize