i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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