Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
