im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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