Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize