So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
