i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
