had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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