What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
